A Well-Rounded Outcast....

Options,

I have all three of them,

and I know I have to choose.

I want to choose,

but I don’t want to pick the wrong one.

Having options is nothing new for me,

I never cared which one I picked in the past,

All three options have a good and a bad side,

there is no lesser evil.

Which on do I pick though?

I have to make the decision sooner or later.

I can’t have all three,

nor do I want all three,

I just want one.

But which one?

I was already told I’d have many options,

not all of them would be good,

but these three options,

stand out strong.

I’m worried about being a bad person,

worried I’ll make a mistake,

when I think I want one thing,

the other options make their presence known,

then I have to think again and again and again….

I don’t mean to be neurotic,

going back over pros and cons over and over,

and over again….

I thought I’d make a decision by now,

which is what I’d usually do….

somethings gotta give,

somethings gotta win,

something has got to let up…

I don’t want to settle,

I just want the right option….

I’ve shared with a few friends that I AM going to be a millionaire by 30 and it shocked me that NONE of them scoffed and said “yeah right”….I would have at least expected that. Everyone of them said, ” I believe it” or ” I could def see that happening for you”. As I was sitting at my desk, I said to myself ” AM I really that smart? Why did it take me this long to realize what I can do?” I walk over to another office and a coworker came out of no where and said ” you don’t belong here. I really wish you would just use this place as a stepping stone….you’re too smart for this place, you could be making so much more money….I could see you running your own business….don’t get stuck here…” this is a person that I only say hi and bye to on a daily basis…

I’m not really sure why I’m writing this post but what I do know is I’m going to be a millionaire by 30.

I’m so tired…It just felt like a regular day… I had the weirdest dream about some girl named ChiChi…. I guess she was supposed to be some boss at my job (at least in my dream) and she was a hardass. He was mentioned in my dream…it was weird…I was kind of depressed but not that depressed…. My phone kinda kept me happy… I guess that’s kind of sad in itself…

Of course I could be doing alot better, so what Ive done is written out a plan to map out what bills need to be paid….its more like… I want to get rid of the blemishes on my credit report. Ive been letting alot of things blindside me and its frustrating.  I just want my life to be so much better than what it is…Ive got about 9 things on my credit from trying to help people and they never returned the favor by paying like they were supposed to— LESSON LEARNED. 

Starting in January, I’m going to knock down those bills one by one. Somethings, I wont be able to pay all at once, but I can at least try and do two bills a month if not more depending on how much they would settle for. I’m pretty hyped about it!

THIS WEEK, more specifically friday, I will be having an  iPHONE! I know maybe I shouldnt be so excited over a phone but I’m just too happy!!!

Lately, Ive been feeling like I want a child, but with me not finished with college and I’m trying to get my school situation under control, it’s stupid….plus… I don’t have sperm, nor am I asexual so….yeahhhhhh….thats going to have to wait. There’s SO many things I want to do, LIKE get my credit together, then do my Lasik surgery so I can have perfect eyesight again….my weight loss is going well but Im not really ready to give my heart to anyone. I figured when I start to feel like things are of good accord, that’s when romance will begin. But for right now, I wouldn’t know what to do with someone’s feelings towards me….my wall is gone, but just something isnt right….

I’m so angry at you. I have so much respect and love for you and you DO THIS? What you are doing isn’t right and I hope you know that…I’m hurt, sad and so angry that I even have to go through this with you…do you even care? Did I even matter? What is the point of hurting me? Does it bring you joy?

I know I didn’t do anything wrong…I’m going to do my best to heal and learn a lesson from this… I dont deserve this at all…all I’ve done is show you love and friendship…I guess you don’t appreciate any of that….I wish you did…

th3skinny:

Making friends :)

(Source: skinnyfitrachel)

(Source: sorga)

I’m confused. These past 4-5 years, I’ve been scared of succeeding with EVERYTHING and now I’m scared of the very thought of Failure…only difference is, this time, I’m still going to go through it. I have the lump in my throat, the goosbumps, the “What Ifs”, the very symptoms of moving out of a place of comfort; I know I don’t feel like crying like I did before nor do I have a sense of dread abotu the step that I have to take in a couple of weeks, but this is something I haven’t done in a long time….I’m not really expecting the worst possible situation…in fact I absolutely believe that it will turn out awesome, but in reality, there is always that chance, however small it is, that it might not turn out the way you want it to. But, I suppose I’ll leave the negative thoughts behind— they aren’t doing me any good….